Family estrangement is becoming increasingly common in the United States, and a psychologist who studies fractured relationships says several converging forces, from political divisions to social media and shifting cultural norms, help explain why. A 2025 YouGov survey found that 38% of U.S. adults are estranged from at least one family member, including siblings, parents, children or grandparents.
Dr. Richard L. Blake, a British psychologist and author based in Austin, Texas, draws on his research and clinical experience to identify five factors he believes commonly contribute to family breakdowns. The reasons range from differences in core beliefs to the influence of romantic partners, and they often overlap, he said.
One of the strongest predictors of estrangement is what researchers call «value dissimilarity». A longstanding study of more than 2,000 mother-adult child relationships found that differing beliefs were a strong predictor of family rifts. «That could be political values, that could be gender ideology», Blake said. People were more likely to cut off someone for having a different opinion than for committing serious violent crimes, the psychologist added. «So certainly, political differences are a big problem».
Heavy social media use also appears to play a role. A study of nearly 9,800 teenagers found that spending more than two hours a day on social media was linked to significantly greater odds of negative relationships with one or both parents. Blake said social media may normalize estrangement by exposing users to viral «no contact» stories and encouraging what he described as «word-of-mouth mimicry».
He described a common pattern: «Someone might see a video on TikTok — I cut off my parents, and I'm much happier now. They were toxic narcissistic boundary crossers. And now I'm great». Viewers, he said, may imitate the behavior or seek the attention they see others receiving.
Blake also sees a broader cultural shift at work. He says society has moved away from a «dignity culture» toward one that places greater value on «victim culture». In that environment, he argued, people may be motivated to claim victim status to justify cutting ties. «If you don't have enough victim status because of the way you were born, you can create a victim status by suggesting your parents abused you or neglected you, and therefore you have value, a reason to cut them off», he said.
The psychologist also pointed to what he described as «therapy culture», saying changing attitudes toward trauma and abuse have influenced how some people view their parents. He said some adult children justify separation by claiming they need to protect their mental health, a premise he considers false. «There is this huge bias that if you're struggling in your adult life, it must be because your parents did something they shouldn't or didn't do something», he said.
Blake stressed that family relationships are one of the strongest protective factors for mental health. «Families are one of the most evidence-based buffers against mental illness», he said. «There's this myth that families are not important». He cited a well-known Minnesota study of adopted twins, which found that twins often resembled their biological parents more than the adoptive parents who raised them, and a 2024 study led by German sociologist Karsten Hank that linked estrangement from parents or siblings to lower life satisfaction and more depressive symptoms.
«So it seems like it's certainly a health event for parents who get cut off, and it's probably a negative health event for the kids or the adult children who are doing the cutoff», he said. «It's this lie they're getting sold on social media: Cut off your parents and your mental health will be better».
How families handle conflict can determine whether disagreements harden into long-term estrangement, Blake said. He recommends listening first and said a «hostage negotiation» approach can be useful, which means repeating back what the other person said, validating it and waiting until they have fully finished before presenting your own side.
He also cautioned against what he calls «moralized language» — terms often directed at parents, such as «abuse», «toxic», «boundaries», «narcissists» and «gaslighting». «When you use moralized language like that, compromise becomes far more difficult», he said. He advises parents to pause before reacting and ask for concrete examples: «Okay, you've used the word toxic. Can you describe the behavior or behaviors that you consider to be toxic?»
Finally, Blake said outside influences, including romantic partners and changing parenting philosophies, can also contribute to estrangement. These influences may differ by gender, with romantic partners often playing a larger role for men. He pointed to public figures such as Brooklyn Beckham and Prince Harry as examples of how partners can shape the way people view their relationships with family members.
Although Blake acknowledged that no long-term studies have definitively documented a rise in estrangement, he said the trend is visible in his practice and in national survey data. The consequences, he said, are significant on both sides of the divide, and the way families communicate during conflict can determine whether a disagreement becomes a permanent break.
